Old fashioned clean jokes
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
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Nullius in verba: On the word of no one (Motto of the Royal Society)
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Stanley
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- Posts: 106095
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
I have to agree with you Kev,,,,, 
I can understand that one Peter!
I can understand that one Peter!
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Old age isn't for cissies!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Old age isn't for cissies!
-
Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 106095
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Old age isn't for cissies!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Old age isn't for cissies!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
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Kev
Stylish Fashion Icon.
Stylish Fashion Icon.
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Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 106095
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Good Grief! Where do you get them from?
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Old age isn't for cissies!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Old age isn't for cissies!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
.
.
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Any better?
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Any better?
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I know I'm in my own little world, but it's OK... they know me here. 
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
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Kev
Stylish Fashion Icon.
Stylish Fashion Icon.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Probably more of an observation
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Kev
Stylish Fashion Icon.
Stylish Fashion Icon.
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Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 106095
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Old age isn't for cissies!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Old age isn't for cissies!
-
Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 106095
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Old age isn't for cissies!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Old age isn't for cissies!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
Kev
Stylish Fashion Icon.
Stylish Fashion Icon.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
.
One Christmas, I decided to go all out and bought my mother- in - law a cemetery plot.
The following year, I didn’t get her anything.
When she asked why, I said “Well… you haven’t used last year’s gift!”
.
That’s when things escalated… quickly.
One Christmas, I decided to go all out and bought my mother- in - law a cemetery plot.
The following year, I didn’t get her anything.
When she asked why, I said “Well… you haven’t used last year’s gift!”
.
That’s when things escalated… quickly.
I know I'm in my own little world, but it's OK... they know me here.
-
Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 106095
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Old age isn't for cissies!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Old age isn't for cissies!
-
Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 106095
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Old age isn't for cissies!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Old age isn't for cissies!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
Gloria
Now an Honorary Chief Engineer who'd be dangerous with a brain!!!
http://www.briercliffesociety.co.uk
http://www.lfhhs.org.uk
Now an Honorary Chief Engineer who'd be dangerous with a brain!!!
http://www.briercliffesociety.co.uk
http://www.lfhhs.org.uk
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Dolly Parton and King Charles happened to arrive at the Pearly Gates on the very same day.
They were greeted by an angel who explained that, due to a paperwork mix-up, there was only one opening available in Heaven that afternoon.
“I’m afraid I’ll have to decide which one of you gets in,” the angel said.
The angel turned to Dolly and asked if there was any special reason she should be admitted.
Dolly smiled, took off her top and said, “Look at these, they're two of God's most perfect creations and I'm sure it will please Him to be able to see them every day, for eternity.”
The angel thanked her politely and then asked King Charles the same question.
Without saying a word, the King walked over to a nearby restroom, pressed the handle, and flushed the toilet.
The angel immediately turned and said, “Your Majesty, welcome to Heaven.”
Dolly stared in disbelief and said, “Hold on just a minute. I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down, and he just flushed a toilet. How does that make sense?”
The angel shrugged and replied, “Sorry, Dolly, but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair every time.”
They were greeted by an angel who explained that, due to a paperwork mix-up, there was only one opening available in Heaven that afternoon.
“I’m afraid I’ll have to decide which one of you gets in,” the angel said.
The angel turned to Dolly and asked if there was any special reason she should be admitted.
Dolly smiled, took off her top and said, “Look at these, they're two of God's most perfect creations and I'm sure it will please Him to be able to see them every day, for eternity.”
The angel thanked her politely and then asked King Charles the same question.
Without saying a word, the King walked over to a nearby restroom, pressed the handle, and flushed the toilet.
The angel immediately turned and said, “Your Majesty, welcome to Heaven.”
Dolly stared in disbelief and said, “Hold on just a minute. I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down, and he just flushed a toilet. How does that make sense?”
The angel shrugged and replied, “Sorry, Dolly, but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair every time.”
Kev
Stylish Fashion Icon.
Stylish Fashion Icon.
-
Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 106095
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Good Grief! (But it was funny)
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Old age isn't for cissies!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Old age isn't for cissies!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
.
A MAN WALKS INTO A BAR and the bartender asks, “What’ll you have?”
The man answers, “A scotch on the rocks, please.”
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The bartender hands him the drink and says, “That‘ll be five dollars.”
“What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this,” the man replies.
.
A lawyer , sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender,
“You know, he has a point there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration.”
.
The bartender now pissed off, says to the guy, “Okay, you beat me for this one. But don’t ever come back here again!”
.
A few days later, the same man walks into the bar….
.
The bartender says, “What do think you’re doing in here? I can’t believe you’ve got the audacity to come back!”
.
The man says, “What are you talking about? I’ve never been in this place in my life!”
.
The bartender replies, “I’m very sorry, but this is uncanny. I feel like you were here a few days ago.
You must have a double.”
.
To which the man replies,
“Thank you. Make it a scotch.”
A MAN WALKS INTO A BAR and the bartender asks, “What’ll you have?”
The man answers, “A scotch on the rocks, please.”
.
The bartender hands him the drink and says, “That‘ll be five dollars.”
“What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this,” the man replies.
.
A lawyer , sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender,
“You know, he has a point there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration.”
.
The bartender now pissed off, says to the guy, “Okay, you beat me for this one. But don’t ever come back here again!”
.
A few days later, the same man walks into the bar….
.
The bartender says, “What do think you’re doing in here? I can’t believe you’ve got the audacity to come back!”
.
The man says, “What are you talking about? I’ve never been in this place in my life!”
.
The bartender replies, “I’m very sorry, but this is uncanny. I feel like you were here a few days ago.
You must have a double.”
.
To which the man replies,
“Thank you. Make it a scotch.”
I know I'm in my own little world, but it's OK... they know me here.