OneGuyFromBarlick

Thanks, I liked all of those. (Particularly the three and a half inch floppy.... )

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I liked Kev's but I think St Nick is a bit contrived.... Sorry Cathy!

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday, and the priest nearly fell over — Murphy had never been to church in his entire life.

After Mass, the priest caught up to him.
“Murphy, I’m so glad you came! What brought you here?”

Murphy said, “Well, Father… I misplaced me hat, and I really love that hat. I knew McGlynn had one just like it, and he comes to church every Sunday. I figured he’d take it off during Mass and leave it in the back. So I planned to slip out after Communion and steal McGlynn’s hat.”

The priest raised an eyebrow. “But you didn’t steal it. What changed your mind?”

Murphy said, “After hearing your sermon on the Ten Commandments, I realized I didn’t need to steal McGlynn’s hat.”

With a tear in his eye, the priest smiled.
“Ah… so when I preached ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal,’ you decided you’d rather go without a hat than burn in Hell?”

Murphy shook his head.
“No, Father. When you talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery’… I remembered where I left me hat.”

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I like both of them....

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You'll have to explain that one to me Cathy!

The music symbol says that it’s a song.
“At first I was afraid, I was petrified “. A Gloria Gaynor song.
The wood is petrified wood.

Thanks for the explanation, Cathy. Stanley and I are not as up to date as you!

“My grandson can’t say please in Spanish.
That’s poor for four”

© Mick Miller.

Thanks Cathy, I had got all that apart from the connection with the fossilised wood! Peter, glad I wasn't the only one who was struggling!

Oh Dear!

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A man lost 3 fingers on his right hand in an accident, he asked the doctor if he'd still be able to write with it.
The doctor said maybe but I wouldn't count on it...