Old fashioned clean jokes

[Cathy]

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[Gloria]

they get worse, it’s so bad, it’s funny.

[Big Kev]

[Big Kev]

There seems to be a trend of putting funny captions on classic pictures, this one made me smile.

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[Gloria]

[Stanley]

You're right Gloria.... they do get worse!

[Big Kev]

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[Stanley]

Very true! I never let it bother me. I can remember borrowing a pair of Vera's substantial cotton knickers when I got up at 3AM one morning and couldn't find my own. I did not feel that it threatened my manhood! In very cold weather a pair of your wife's tights can make an appreciable difference....

[Cathy]

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Some days are like that

[Big Kev]

[Stanley]

Again, very true!

[Gloria]

Loved that one, and how very true it is.

[Big Kev]

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[Stanley]

[Gloria]

[Stanley]

[Cathy]

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Took me a second

[Big Kev]

[Gloria]

[Big Kev]

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[Stanley]

[Gloria]

[Stanley]

[Cathy]

Scientists at Rolls Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners and military jets all travelling at maximum velocity.
The idea is to stimulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
Irish engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the Windshields of their new high speed trains…
Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the Irish engineers.
When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer’s back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin like an arrow shot from a bow…
The horrified Irish sent Rolls Royce the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the British scientists for suggestions.

You’re going to love this…
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Rolls Royce responded with a one-line memo:
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“Defrost the chicken first!”

[Gloria]

Satnav – A new poem
I have a little Satnav, it sits there in my car. A Satnav is a driver's friend it tells you where you are. I have a little Satnav, I've had it all my life. It's better than the normal ones, my Satnav is my wife.
It gives me full instructions, especially how to drive "It's sixty miles an hour", it says, "You're doing sixty five". It tells me when to stop and start, and when to use the brake And tells me that it's never ever, safe to overtake.
It tells me when a light is red, and when it goes to green It seems to know instinctively, just when to intervene. It lists the vehicles just in front, and all those to the rear. And taking this into account, it specifies my gear.
I'm sure no other driver, has so helpful a device. For when we leave and lock the car, it still gives its advice. It fills me up with counselling, each journey's pretty fraught. So why don't I exchange it, and get a quieter sort?
Ah well, you see, it cleans the house, makes sure I'm properly fed. It washes all my shirts and things, and keeps me warm in bed!
Despite all these advantages, and my tendency to scoff, I only wish that now and then, I could turn the bugger off.